What’s Your Parenting Style? A Look at the Four Types (And Why It’s Okay to Be a Blend)

Last updated on 20 Apr 2025

If you’ve ever Googled “parenting styles,” you’ve probably run into the big four: authoritative, authoritarian, permissive, and uninvolved. These categories show up in books, articles, parenting quizzes, and even in therapy sessions. But in real life? Most of us don’t fit into just one—and that’s okay.

In this post, I want to take a look at each style—not to say one is “right” or “wrong,” but to explore the differences, spark some self-reflection, and open the door to conversation. Because the way we parent is shaped by who we are, how we were raised, and what we’re dealing with right now.

The Four Classic Parenting Styles

Psychologists have studied parenting for decades, and these four styles come up again and again. Each one reflects a different mix of two things:

Responsiveness (how nurturing and attuned we are)
Demandingness (how much structure, rules, and expectations we set)

Here’s a quick look at each style:

1. Authoritative (High Expectations, High Support)

This style is often held up as the “ideal.” Authoritative parents set clear boundaries but are also warm, flexible, and responsive.

What it looks like:
Clear rules, consistent consequences, open communication, space for kids to have input.
How kids often respond:
They tend to feel secure, respected, and supported—while also understanding limits.
Feels like:
“I’m the parent, but I respect your voice.”

2. Authoritarian (High Expectations, Low Support)

Authoritarian parents are all about structure—but may not leave much room for emotion, flexibility, or negotiation.

What it looks like:
Lots of rules, little tolerance for questioning, emphasis on obedience and discipline.
How kids often respond:
They may comply, but can also feel anxious, resentful, or emotionally shut down.
Feels like:
“Because I said so.”

3. Permissive (Low Expectations, High Support)

Permissive parents are warm and accepting, but may struggle to hold consistent boundaries.

What it looks like:
Lots of freedom, few rules, high tolerance for mess-ups or misbehavior.
How kids often respond:
They may feel loved but also unanchored, uncertain about limits and expectations.
Feels like:
“Do whatever makes you happy.”

4. Uninvolved (Low Expectations, Low Support)

This style involves minimal involvement, guidance, or emotional connection. Sometimes it’s intentional, but often it’s the result of burnout, mental health struggles, or overwhelm.

What it looks like:
A lot of hands-off parenting, emotionally distant, little guidance or structure.
How kids often respond:
They may feel neglected or invisible, and often have to meet their own emotional needs.
Feels like:
“You’re on your own.”

Real Life Is Messier Than Charts

Most of us don’t live fully inside one style all the time. You might lean authoritative most days, but slip into authoritarian mode when you’re tired or stressed. Maybe you’re permissive about screen time but firm about bedtime. Or maybe your style has shifted completely as your kids have grown or life has changed.

That’s normal. Parenting isn’t a personality test—it’s a relationship. And relationships evolve.

Getting Personal: How My Parenting Style Changed for the Better

I’ll be honest: when my son was younger, I leaned a lot more authoritarian than I’d like to admit. I was strict. Rules were rules, and breaking them wasn’t tolerated. Missing school was rare and needed an airtight excuse. Time on the computer was tightly limited, and if he pushed back or complained, I didn’t have much patience for it.

Looking back, I can see how this approach started to wedge space between us. We grew apart, and the resentment began to build on both sides. I thought I was doing what a good parent “should” do—holding the line, staying firm, not letting things slide—but instead, it was hurting our connection.

It reached a breaking point. Things were getting serious—too serious. I realized something had to change, so I reached out to a therapist for help. She showed me that it was okay to let go a little, to relax the rules, to allow for broken boundaries sometimes, to let emotions come up (and out), and most importantly, to talk things out instead of always enforcing my will.

I started letting my son take more responsibility for his decisions and behaviors. I practiced letting things go that truly didn’t matter in the big picture. Over time—almost a year of intentional effort—our relationship began to heal. We grew close again, more open, more honest, and I can see now that this shift has changed not just our present but our future relationship, too.

That advice changed both of our lives.

What Shapes Our Style?

Our parenting style is shaped by so many things:

How we were raised (Do we model what we saw? Rebel against it?)
Life stress (Work, finances, health—these all influence how much we can give)
Our kids’ personalities (Some kids need more structure; others need more freedom)
Support system (Solo parents carry a different kind of weight)

Sometimes, just naming our default style—or where we land in hard moments—helps us become more intentional. And that’s really what matters: not being perfect, but being present and reflective.

What’s Your Style?

I’m still figuring mine out. Some days I feel like I’m balancing clear boundaries with empathy and flexibility. Other days… it’s pizza for dinner and “we’ll talk about it later.”

But here’s what I believe: there’s no perfect parenting style. There’s only showing up, learning, and trying again. Your style can shift, grow, and stretch—just like your family.

I’d Love to Hear From You

Have you ever found yourself stuck in one parenting style, and had to shift for the sake of your relationship?
Do you see yourself in any of these types?
How has your approach changed as your kids (and you) have grown?

Share your stories and thoughts below—no judgment, just real talk. We all have something to learn from each other.

This post is part of the Real Talk series: honest reflections on parenting, self-awareness, and growing alongside our kids.