Permission to Not Be Productive All the Time (And Still Be a Good Parent)
I’ve spent years believing that being a good parent meant always doing—doing the laundry, prepping meals, checking homework, scheduling activities, and somehow still having energy for meaningful conversations at bedtime.
But somewhere along the way, this endless pursuit of productivity started to feel exhausting. Worse, it felt like the only acceptable way to measure my worth as a parent.
Lately, I've been exploring something radical: permission to stop being productive all the time—and realizing I can still be a good parent anyway. Here’s what I’m learning.
The Myth of Constant Productivity
We live in a culture that worships productivity. The message is everywhere: do more, do it faster, multitask, don’t stop. It’s no wonder we internalize this pressure. It seeps into parenting, too—driving us to feel guilty for sitting down, resting, or saying “no” to constant activity.
But here's the truth I've discovered:
Your worth as a parent isn't tied to how productive you are. It doesn't rise and fall with how many tasks you tick off each day.
Why Doing Less Feels Hard (But is Actually Essential)
Initially, giving myself permission to be less productive felt uncomfortable. There was guilt, fear of judgment, and a nagging sense of laziness.
But here's the thing I realized: rest isn't lazy—it's essential. Slowing down lets you reconnect with yourself and your kids in ways that frantic productivity never can. When you're always “doing,” you're rarely fully present. And being present, it turns out, is what truly makes parenting meaningful.
What “Permission to Slow Down” Looks Like in Real Life
If, like me, you're still learning how to give yourself permission, here are some gentle ideas to try:
1. Rest Without Guilt
Take 10 or 20 minutes just for you each day. Not to plan, schedule, or multitask—just to sit quietly, read, sip tea, or daydream. Remind yourself that this isn’t wasted time. It’s recovery time.
2. Say “No” (Gracefully)
It’s okay to turn down invitations, volunteer requests, and even family activities sometimes. Saying "no" makes space for restful "yeses." Your kids also benefit from seeing that boundaries and self-care matter.
3. Be “Unproductive” With Your Kids
Letting your kids see you rest, relax, or enjoy unstructured time teaches them that their worth doesn't come from constant achievement either. This is valuable parenting, even if it looks like “doing nothing.”
4. Celebrate Small, Quiet Moments
Not everything needs to be big or productive to matter. Notice and savor small moments—a funny conversation, a quiet meal together, sitting outside together doing absolutely nothing.
What Happens When You Slow Down
Here's the unexpected truth I'm learning: being less productive hasn't made me less effective. It's actually made me a calmer, happier, and more connected parent.
- More patience: Rested parents are calmer parents.
- Better conversations: When I'm not constantly distracted, I really hear what my teens are saying.
- Deeper connection: Moments of quiet shared rest build bonds far more than a fully checked-off to-do list ever could.
Permission Slip: For You (and Me)
So if you're feeling like you need permission to slow down, here it is:
You’re allowed to rest. You’re allowed to pause. You’re allowed to do absolutely nothing sometimes.
This isn't laziness; it's resilience. It’s self-care. It’s good parenting.
Your Thoughts?
I'm still figuring this out. I still sometimes feel guilty when I slow down. But I'm curious: how do you give yourself permission to not always be productive? What helps you rest, pause, and still feel like you're doing okay as a parent?
Drop a comment or send a note. Let's remind each other that we're allowed to rest—and we're still great parents when we do.
This post is part of the "Real Talk" series—honest reflections on parenting, productivity, and finding space for rest in a busy family life.